i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
