You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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