i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
