and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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