If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
