Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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