You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
