Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize