so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
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