i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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