Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
