I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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