you traded sex for a burrito?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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