I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
