i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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