Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
