The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
