This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
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