Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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