If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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