i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
