and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
