I wish life had little blips of pornography
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
