she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
it's like iHOP with fire
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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