My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
