This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.