well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
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