I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.