Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos. http://tfl.nu/15bf
  Replies (74) Good night (17820) Bad night (1571)
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person http://tfl.nu/xc27
  Replies (25) Good night (8285) Bad night (703)
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra. http://tfl.nu/ga1u
  Replies (68) Good night (27955) Bad night (1865)
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom http://tfl.nu/tatf
  Replies (32) Good night (759) Bad night (3637)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  you mean i was at the winter classic?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): you mean i was at the winter classic? http://tfl.nu/ck5g
  Replies (39) Good night (5369) Bad night (757)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation? http://tfl.nu/6nb1
  Replies (16) Good night (7169) Bad night (1280)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST (602): I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise! http://tfl.nu/2ck7
  Replies (36) Good night (7072) Bad night (1041)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): There's an australian, my relationship has no hope. http://tfl.nu/z5vt
  Replies (20) Good night (2972) Bad night (1343)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester. http://tfl.nu/dlm3
  Replies (19) Good night (1264) Bad night (4225)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy http://tfl.nu/y3l1
  Replies (15) Good night (2212) Bad night (727)
• Favorite

  (+86): View more from China

  Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+86): Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage. http://tfl.nu/0ehg
  Replies (5) Good night (962) Bad night (352)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.

  (1-803): View more from South Carolina

  You are a god.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning. (1-803): You are a god. http://tfl.nu/xtrk
  Replies (2) Good night (737) Bad night (303)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.

  (1-315): View more from New York

  Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe. (1-315): Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha http://tfl.nu/f49v
  Replies (2) Good night (485) Bad night (633)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat. http://tfl.nu/s6dc
  Replies (1) Good night (437) Bad night (557)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free (502): Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels" http://tfl.nu/26v2
  Replies (3) Good night (1249) Bad night (316)

Randomize