Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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