I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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