I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.