dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
me + whiskey = a bad person
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
