dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I wish I only lived at night.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
