Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
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my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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