Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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