Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Operation Purity has been aborted
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
