What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
