party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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