Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
