this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
