I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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