he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize