isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
