Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The feeling are messing with the penis
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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