i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
