every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
