Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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