Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
