Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
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i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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