when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
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Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
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Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
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