He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
