Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
