i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
