Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
