Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
