I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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