watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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