I puked a lego.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize