life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize