Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
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