The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
