The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just forgot I was standing up.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
