i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize