I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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