just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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