What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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