Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Please don't give away my fajitas
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
