Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
