I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
