i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
